I thank everyone for playing and I hope you saw how hard it can be to write poorly.
Best Buffy the Vampire Slayer -akshathedemon
Spike ran a pale hand through his peroxide-blond hair, grinning fiendishly as he gazed upon the two mortal females at his mercy in their chintzy little kitchen because they were gullible enough to let him in, and savored the thought of satisfying his deathless vampiric hunger with a good feed from their plump, juicy, veins, knowing that they were powerless to resist or stop him; when Dawn announced in her sweet but slightly whiny little teenager voice that "Mom's making cocoa; Spike; and we've got marshmallows, too!"; while Joyce smiled kindly at him from where she stood at the stove, messing about with a cheery red and blue teapot; and Spike thought wistfully of his own dear Mum and wished, not for the first time, that he hadn't killed her.
Best Star Trek - mollywheezy
Frank had been blind since birth, but for the first time in his life after having that new eye surgery, Frank saw breasts . . . breasts were everywhere and they were brilliant and he could not see enough of them . . . if only women were like the Ferengi and didn't wear clothes.
Best LotR - lindahoyland
Aragorn wondered where Faramir was; they were supposed to be working on a treaty with Harad together, but there was no sign of his Steward on this dark and stormy night, which might have fell creatures abroad, which could have attacked Faramir on his way to the King's study, especially as he was recovering from a wound inflicted by an arrow accidentally shot by Legolas when they had gone hunting last week, which had really upset the poor Elf who had given Faramir an Elven bow by way of compensation that Faramir now had in his study, to Eowyn's dismay in case the children got hold of it and got hurt because Elboron once pricked his finger on his father's sword which made him cry until she promised him honey cakes for tea, which made Aragorn wonder if Faramir might be eating cake and have forgotten the meeting.
Best MFU (tie) - Ducky’s Lady & budgieluv
How did he -- the charming, debonaire, well coiffed and well dressed man about town CEA get stuck with this pint-sized,prickly, egg-head, scruffy Russian with bad hair and a worn suit, Beldon's protege and Waverly's pet project?
Illya moaned softly and clenched his hands over his churning stomach while he hoped desperately that he wouldn't блевать all over Mr. Waverly's revolving desk.
Best Sci Fic - Wiseheart
Ulkesh Naranek, Babylon 5's resident Vorlon (and the eyes and ears of his brethren among the younger races) was surprised; something that had rarely happened to any member of his ancient race during the recent millennium or so.
Best Fiction - christalin80
She walked in weirdly; not quite like a duck but close and there was some kind of stalky swagger about her that made you stop and go what the hell is she on, even if you had never said those words before, she could do that, and would relish the chance every time she could... she was just that strange.
Best Food Related - Sparky
Trying to decide between ordering the baked potato or the applesauce, Izzy was torn because while ordering the potato would be an homage to her Irish relatives on her mother’s side whom of course she never met because her parents divorced when she was two but with whom she’d always felt a kinsmen-ship because of how much she enjoyed green foods like peas and broccoli, ordering the applesauce might provide her the apple a day to keep her doctor away which was especially important to her after he had been convicted of rigging the Publishers’ Clearing House sweepstakes again this year.
Best Irony - Thespian
Well, if that don't beat all, the butler really did do it.
Best Number (not to be confused with horror) - meowmensteen
No one ever knew his deep hidden lust for numbers and accounting, but after today, no one would ever forget.
Best Mystery - cornerofmadness
Hate and revenge were like rum and coke and he was in the mood to get drunk.
Best Horror (sounding) - kabuldur
The wind blew hard, rattling the window blinds, buffetting the long grass outside so that looked like the sea, puffing up the carpet square from the floor in the bathroom, the cold making the two sisters shiver and cry as they huddled up in their bed with the scratchy blanket against their cheeks.